Yikes!

Well, hello there, stranger! Here we are again, me thinking I may be able to hold a thought long enough to write about it and you here to read it. Heavens help you.

Adorable black "pit bull" gazes longingly over a cushion over the back of a couch.

This election cycle I signed up to help local Democrats, and they seemed to be okay with my position of being a liberal that settles for Democrats, especially in Indiana. 

I saw Janelle Monae's Dirty Computer and it was amazing.

While many things have changed, many have not. 

I had spinal shots again, they do not last as long as we hoped. But they do help, so we will keep at it as long as that is true. I still do my PT exercises when my SI joint dysfunction acts up and that still works, but again, not as well as it used to work.

The Minions flew the coup but the Menfolk remain.  I have some things to get off my copious chest there.

I am learning to draw! For real! I can put marks on paper that resemble objects to other folks. 

My Nissi is big and healthy and willful. I am so happy with her and so proud of her. Look forward to lots of photos!

I have a computer to get used to, so many mistakes will be made. We can hit those things as they arise.

The current PotUS is the worst in my meager lifetime. There is much to say there.

I have found a lot of shortcuts to share that make it easier to live this life. I will share those: from talking about disability to friends and family to nail polish tricks.

I have some older post drafts that are, unfortunately, still relevant.

No promises, but I intend to be back for good. Now I will get to writing and hopefully produce something I can share with you on the regular.

Little chi-wow-wow mix starts to wake up in his round leopard print bed.

One of the dogs broke my face today. Not the big one, but the little one right above this paragraph. Some one was at the door so I leaned forward to get up off the couch just as he was launching himself from the end it and we collided in a manner most unpleasant. I grabbed my chin and put it back before I finished realizing that he may have actually dislocated my jaw. While there is swelling, I can talk and eat. Casual contact with healthcare providers advised that I take analgesics, ice and rest. I am doing just that, but if it is still swollen or the pain has not subsidized I will bug my doc about it tomorrow.

So start watching this space again, Dear Reader.  I am going to start writing for me but sharing it with you - which will be quite different than before where I was trying to write for you without knowing who you might be or what you might think. 

At least you  know you will see sex talk and cute dog pictures! 

No More Excuses

In the midst of all the heartache, here I am believing I have no more excuses to ignore my few, precious Dear Readers. So here I am in the midst of a post-truth, post-Trump mindset. Here are the things I am working to accomplish:

Nissi at rest. She is maybe 6 months old here, black with tuxedo like white markings. Here she is napping on the corner of a grey couch. 

• Training the puppy is going well. She is so much smarter than I thought, so it is much more like having a toddler in the house than usual.
• My head hurts. 
• My teeth need attention. Professional attention. I am working on it, appointment after appointment - now I have to see a hygienist four times a year to try to save what I have left. I am starting to sometimes actually look forward to being rid of them some day. 
• I need to write more. A lot more. These brain droppings are cluttering up the works and so I exorcise them with you.
• My gaming will never be better than the upper echelon of mediocre, and it is only very rarely even that good.
• Learning Spanish is slowed to a stop, but I have not given up. Thanks, Duolingo.
• I have the fortune to discuss the nature of reality with the author of Quantum Sorcery - have you read that yet? I learn, aid, and keep the candles stocked - apprenticeship!
• I can now draw a sad coffee cup that other people can recognize and say "nice" without appearing to bullshit me. That is kind of cool, will keep working on it.
• My cleaning projects had unexpected progress, which is great. Our black carpets frequently get vacuumed before they turn grey from pet fur.
• Woot! My craft room is accessible and useful again. It does need some work. It will always need some work. D valiantly offered to get a new sewing machine if I got the room right again - I will be talking about that soon.
• I gathered all the stuff to start learning recorder, but there are too many people home all day for me to feel comfortable going back to fourth grade right now. I can read music and I played clarinet for a decade, this so not be super difficult. But thanks to my teeth (see above) I cannot play clarinet without killing my head, so recorder it is. Well, it will be once I have some private time on the regular again.

My Buddhism may be causing this existential crisis. I have not the resources to take any great practical leap: week or month long retreat. Hell, I can barely afford a new read. But I feel like I am on the burning edge of something... I am not sure if there is much difference between a leap and a fall - besides the landing.

Sometimes I feel something... precious. Dust mites in the sun glinting like diamonds, special in their transience, their worthlessness. Connection to the suffering of others, an empathy uncontrolled in reach and depth, dangerous without the rest. 

A frustration with the things I own owning me, but raised too poor to give away all that I should, let alone minimizing as I sometimes want. Once a poor person has a thing, unless we must leave it behind it is very difficult to give things up. 

An unnamable desperation to stop feeling so fucking desperate. A coming together that keeps falling apart. 

I hope you are getting by, Dear Reader. Find comfort where you can. We are regulated to the fringe again: Outlaws that have done nothing truly wrong.