One Less Invisible Oppression

Take a good look at me:

There, that was not so bad. Pictured is head and shoulders shot of a nearly forty, blond, pale white woman with glasses and a mildly challenging expression right after a free makeover.

The last thing you probably see is oppression. You do not see illness. You do not see disabilities. You cannot see bisexuality. You will never see poverty, if I can help it. Me and mine will only show you polyamory when we choose. You cannot see non-Christian in a "Christian" nation. You think you see a woman, but only because I present a woman to you, but you really have no idea. You never really do with anyone - get used to the idea.

Now that the celebrations are mostly over, we can finally start to really understand what happened with DOMA and Prop.8, what the rulings mean now and to start to understand what they may mean for the future. My favorite part was watching the homophobes start to sound off in front of news cameras and watch the cameras turn away from them to the successful DOMA and Prop.8 teams as they walked down those famous stairs and raise their hands high.

As far as I understand it, the Court "punted" on Prop 8, a term usually used when they make a ruling that appears to be noncommittal  But the verdict that the claimants (random straight homophobes that picked up the case when the state of California washed their hands of it) could not claim injury to pursue the case. I think that verdict is anything but neutral, finally saying that straight people cannot claim injury when gay people get married.

I think this punt matters quite a lot. As much as the much more decisive verdict striking down DOMA. The dominoes are starting to fall, and with gay families on military bases inside of bigoted states, and gay families moving from states that honor their citizenship to states that do not... It is only a matter of time. That time feels like forever when it is your family waiting it out, I am sure.

Now the religious fundamentalists are using families like mine, poly families, as the next spooky threat to marriage. Although they have not given one indication as to why it would be bad for the State. It would definitely be a Biblically supported arrangement if I married both the Menfolk if our genders were reversed, but that was never really the point. 

At least in California, and according to the federal government, there is one less invisible second-class citizenship status. 

Note: I am as much a lawyer as a doctor, which is not at all.

Being a Liberal and a Democrat

I set this aside months ago, but I think it is worth a revisit. Wall Street did not change, and the realities of poverty have not changed,  so here are some thoughts I have on class, politics, and "party unity."

The other day, I had political thoughts. Weird, right? Ah, I am teasing you - politics are everywhere and I think about them all the time. I often say that I am a liberal that has to settle for the Democratic party, but it takes us on the far left pulling our political leaders so that they end up center left, because they will get pulled further and further right otherwise.Here are some thoughts on being a liberal and a Democrat when it comes to economics. This may seem choppy because this is my side of a dialog edited to make more sense here, but your milage may vary.

Ever notice that your issues are important while other peoples' issues are merely politics? Yeah, me neither...

Affirmative Action: For most of us, economic arguments are not Marxian theory - it is trying to make sure you have food on the table at the end of the month. And not only do we not give a damn about the feelings of the people that put us here, we might actually like to see them squirm some. That is right on target as far as I can see here from the bottom of the heap. I know that Bain is not going to actually pay for what it did to people, neither will Wall Street. But dammit, at least they should suffer some discomfort in our name. 

The best Democratic leaders have illustrated to the majority how helping minority populations helps everyone, including them. Example: affirmative action actually allows schools and employers to see candidates that are just as promising but would have been lost in the system due to a minority status that would have otherwise pushed them down. A good leader will talk about that, you know? Same sort of thing with women's rights and how that allows women to contribute in a more fulfilling way which makes them better social assets. All we, as liberals, need are leaders that can tie that together in a realistic way rather than in the metaphorical "rising tide" way. Because there seems to be a distinct lack of motivation to do things because they are right, correct, morally obligatory right now.

Frankly, while advocating for "minorities" looks like a losing strategy in the short term, the white male vote is meaning less and less as the USian populations changes. 

Traditionally Democratic voters are not just not Republicans, we are the future. We have been united by diversity in the past, and we need to revive that spirit.  Civil rights, women's rights, disability rights (to a lesser degree) were adapted and co-voiced by liberals. The definition of conservation is to retard and stop change whenever possible, so they cannot lead on any sort of real change.

Class-based Politics: I believe that political divisions matter and have real consequences that we should not be expected to ignore in favor of political unity. I also think that these divisions, when acknowledged and worked on together, can create strong political unity. It just is not that damn difficult to acknowledge that, say, racial boundaries are contributing to poverty, so to work on poverty we need to work on racial discrimination. And so on with all our social ills.

Bring in the folks that have dealt with it their whole lives or have dedicated themselves to these issues and give them equal places at the table. Make efforts to make sure those voices are heard. Hell, make efforts to make sure they can get to the table and feel safe and honored so truth can be spoken.

Liberals cannot go back to class based politics. Class based politics never left us.

Political Identity: As a poor liberal aligned with the Democratic Party (more because it is the best thing going, and better to be a red headed step child than an orphan) I do not stop being poor because "the Party" decided to stop dealing with it. I do not stop being a woman because the party shies away from gender issues. I do not stop being handicapped just because Democrats have never achieved uniform enforcement of the ADA. These issues never leave the party, no matter how fast the mucky mucks may insist on our votes, taking them and then slapping our hands and worse, our ideas away.

While I appreciate the history and academia - they matter less to me than my lived life and the lives I have witnessed. We, and our issues, did not leave the party - perhaps because there is simply no other politically viable place to go. 

The Base: The post [was] about caring for the feelings of Wall St. elites. You know, elevating the fee-fees of the Brooks Brothers crowd above people struggling with the lived reality of poverty. I added that the politics of poverty have not left the party, even though the party has sometimes not stood up for the poor. I say you illustrated the point because you went into history and academia - valuable but distancing the conversation from the lived reality of poverty (and wrestling with the party about it) or even the rich saying their feelings were bruised. This was a fairly accurate microcosm of the same thing the Party does when confronted with this issue (and others!). 

In the last three or so years the Party has divorced me at the rate of about once a month. I keep voting Democratic because the other guys (still pretty much guys) are worse, so where would I go? In any other setting, this would be the definition of an abusive relationship .

With all the indignities heaped upon me by the people that are supposed to represent me, I will be damned if they, you, or anyone else can turn around and call me their blasted Base. Especially when they rend garments and gnash teeth wailing about how any criticism of President Obama and/or his Administration [was] throwing the election. Do we not understand that our petty lives or morals or issues are so much less important than a facade of party unity? Sigh.

I felt like it was important for you to understand this aspect of lived lives, even if it was just mine. I am out of spoons, though, and I am sadly not sure we are going to get anywhere near that goal even if that were not so. 

Note: saying that PotUS could do things better, could be better, could appeal to our better selves rather than coddling rich cry babies did not cost him the election. But silencing the voices crying out for economic justice were ignored. Way to go.

Seeing is Expensive OR OneSight

Wearing eyeglasses can be a tough gig. A lot of insurance coverage either does not cover visual, or barely covers it at all. Of course, while you can spend an absolute ton of money on a pair of eyeglasses, even cheap ones are prohibitively expensive if you are poor. In Indiana, it costs anywhere from $100-$200 to get an exam, lenses, and frames.

Going without glasses causes  obvious problems. Wearing old glasses can wreck havoc with your health and comfort if your eyes have changed significantly since you wore them. This can cause migraine like symptoms in some. In general I have never known a person that needed to do this that did not have headaches of varying degrees that did not relent while they wore their old glasses. That was a messed up sentence, but I trust that you understand what I wrote there.

The cost and logistics (multiple trips, hours that are one's working hours,  gas or public transit twice) along the the shitty "coverage" if you can even get that; all these things make glasses really hard to get once you live at a certain income (or lack of it) bracket. Groups, charities, and other organizations that help people get glasses do a tremendous service. I have written here before about how you can help by donating your own old or extra pairs to help the cause.

A few weeks ago, I went with the Boyfriend to a local Lenscrafters, as he needed new glasses. While we were there I picked up a brochure for OneSight, an organization that brings eyeglasses to those in need. Unfortunately, you cannot just go in with whatever proof you have for your lack of income, you need to be referred. But the program looks great, and works both internationally and domestically (US). They are also one of the programs that will take your old glasses, too!

I think OneSight does good work, and I wanted to pass the word along. Do you know of other groups and/or efforts? Please share them below!

Dear Ann Romney

Dear Ann Romney,


Hello! Recently you have been out in the public telling folks that you understand the struggles of women. Women in America that are not you.That you love the mother that has no choice but to work. Your quote does not seem any better in context. And yet, in your national tour, you still do not understand me.


You and me, we have some things in common. We are both women in America. We both suffer the indignities of living in a culture that is still short of valuing either of us as equals. We are both mothers in a culture that does not value the work of raising our young.


We have less in common than you think.


As a disabled mother, the culture questions whether or not I can be a good mother, or should even try. Disabled women are still, to this day, sterilized against their will, or forced to give up their children for adoption. We are often forced to prove that we will be adequate mothers.


As a poor mother, I am blamed for my poverty and told I was irresponsible to even have children. And no, you cannot understand how it feels to have the water shut off as you are drawing a bath for your baby, and wondering if you should skip the bath and save the water for making formula in case you cannot get your water access back. It was not as if I decided I would be a poor mom raising poor babies. That is not how it happens. You have not ever dealt with the indignatities of seeking out help, nor then tied to hide the fact that you are getting help from everyone else. Nor have you dis-invited someone from your home because in his fevered mind it was okay to sit in your living room and rant about welfare queens!


As a white mother, you, I and our children are granted privileges by society. But are you agonizing over making sure your children truly understood the consequences of race in America? Do you deliberately live in a non-white neighborhood so your children will be better adjusted regarding race than you were? Are you constantly working with them so that they are not more white blights on this society and culture?


As the mother of daughters, it is imperative that I teach my girls how to interact with a world that is hostile to them by default. They have to know how to recognize and deal with sexism when they see it. They need to know how our culture treats rape and rape victims. Do your kids need this armor?


As a bisexual mother, I am acutely aware of the bigotry that LGBTQAI kids face in their day to day lives. Mrs. Romney, do you ever wonder if your kids are going to get beaten over who they may love? Maybe you may share a few of my concerns as a poly mother, given your church's history on marriage. Hell, often people mistake polyamory for polygamy although one is simply uncommon, the other illegal.


You do not know what it is like for the state to screw with you month to month on how much medical care, food, or straight up cash you need to live. But you will tell people that it is too much. Living off of investment dividends is not the same thing. Just stop that ignorant nonsense.


We are what we are. There is no inherent shame in being born well to do and continuing with your well to do life. When you say that your experiences parallel the experiences of others you have never even truly seen, let alone spoken to - you are lying. And there is shame in that.


I do not know you or your life, and I do not claim to know. You, however, gleefully act like you are intimately familiar with my life, and I want you to back the hell off of it. 


Most sincerely,


PatientC