My Life, Bottled

Do you keep flowers from special occasions? I do: funerals, weddings, Mother's Day, birthdays - if someone gives me  flowers, I keep them! I know flowers are kind of frivolous gifts, but I really like having fresh life and color at my desk or table. 

I counter the fleeting nature of cut flowers by drying them and keeping the flower petals. I kept them in pretty gauze bags. I have used some for sachets for the Minions. 

I started running out of places to keep these dry flower petals.

I collect little glass bottles. The kinds you see in craft stores, or in front of windows at restaurants. I think the are pretty. I have some that are colored cut class, some that are clear. I have skinny and fat ones, tall and short, simple and shaped.

Eventually I started  keeping the petals in my glass jars. recently I realized I was kind of canning or jarring my life. The bottles hold flowers from my grandmother's funeral last month, from get well flowers from hospital stays, from some sultry Valentine's days...

I thought that it was neat, and wanted to share it with you. I have more meaty posts in the works, but once in a while I like to post something light and fun.

I think I will give them to my Minions, Menfolk, and my friends when I die. Maybe mix them with my ashes if I get cremated. Maybe scent them my favorite perfumes or leave it to my family to scent bags/bottles of me with their favorite scent of mine... Oh, I could go to Demeter and get library book or leather or whatever folks associate with me... 

My life, in bottles:

Shelf of bottles filled with flower petals, two empty ones up front shaped like a male and a female torso.

A photo from further back, showing the book shelves filled with latest books, knick knacks, and on top - the life bottles.

Bad Cripple: Miley "Critics" Getting It Wrong

So, Miley Cyrus is getting support and defense from some damn odd corners over the "tiny strokes" joke.  The people that have experienced TIA/micro-strokes and their allies are getting the "you humorless fucks" bullshit from such people. I heard or read four just yesterday, before I even engaged with this story so this mean ignorance is not isolated enough to blame just one or a few jerks with links. 

Well, when a micro blood clot or dozen takes away your children's name or you ability to do math or tie a shoe - you can come and tell me how fucking hilarious it was for you. When your spouse wakes up and gives you a blank stare or screams because they do not remember you, tell me how fucking hilarious you both found it. When it is followed by massive stroke, you can tell me how it is to laugh while drooling into a cup.
Oh, and for the people whining that the disabled should give up their rights to peace and privacy and "educate" the public, the UK Stroke Association did that in their letter. Educate your own damn selves, quit telling people that are having enough trouble with strokes and all to Google That for You.

I am sticking with the "not funny" camp that neuro-atypical people get shoved into when no one wants to validate our experiences. This is not the only incident of ableism of hers going on right fucking now. There are a lot of folks trying to let her know, like Sinead O'Connor, that this is unacceptable, but she keeps doing it anyway with the minimum, petulant apologies. Mainly because a bunch of heartless fucks that think strokes will never happen to them are backing this bullshit. This is not killing Hannah Montana, this is socially irresponsible fucking garbage.

If you want to insist this kind of oppressive bullshit is funny: fuck you. It is fucking brain damage you petulant pusillanimous fuckwits. It takes away random parts of your life, some you will never get back and can signal more massive strokes. I am almost ready to say that I am happy to hit folks with a baseball bat until you get some yourself so you can know how not fucking funny it is. Sympathy via the application of sudden, satisfying force. 

GimpyGamer: Do Not Be a Dickwolf

Dammit, #dickwolves, how I hate thee. How I would rather pluck out my own eyes with safety razors while listening to a dramatic reading of the StormFront forums by Ben Stein. But here you are again, in the eye of the Internet and crossing my path quite a lot. 

Should you be reading this, and know that you are, indeed, cursed with the fetid, putrid curse of  cranial lupen phallitis feel free to show yourself to the X mark on your window, or better: your browser and proceed about your other business of kicking the crippled and asking the homeless why they do not just "get a job, loser!?!" before spitting into said person's coin cup. Or whatever you do to feel good about yourself, I guess, when taunting rape survivors just does not cut it for you.

As you learn about this mess, one of the first things you will notice are the dates: this shitstorm started about three years ago.

So they are gone now, yes? Yes, surely the Internet Dickwolf (as we lay people call it) can read and follow simple directions. An cursory search can show you a lot of material on the matter, and here is a timeline of the whole thing. (It is in two parts because there is so much fuckery to be found.)   

Now, I had a lukewarm regard for Penny Arcade before this went down. They have made other jokes at the expense of minority populations, they even say so in some of the tripe they wrote in response to the outcry. Do not be fooled about how all of this is about a tasteless rape joke used to illustrate a flaw in the mechanics of certain MMORPGs, something that games like World of Warcraft (WoW) and Star Wars: the Old Public fix now by using phasing.

http://threefingeredfox.net/?p=50

http://gameoverthinker.blogspot.com/2013/09/dickwolfd-updated.html?spref=tw

http://www.wired.com/underwire/2013/09/penny-arcade-expo-dickwolves/

http://www.xojane.com/issues/dickwolves-penny-arcade-pax-rape-culture-mike-krahulik

https://plus.google.com/+MCFrontalot/posts/94KfgrA75JH

http://www.penny-arcade.com/2013/09/04/some-clarification

http://makemeasammich.org/2013/09/05/dear-gabe-i-dont-hate-you-but-we-need-to-talk/

http://debacle.tumblr.com/post/3041940865/the-pratfall-of-penny-arcade-a-timeline

http://debacle.tumblr.com/post/60283610877/the-pratfall-of-penny-arcade-a-timeline-part-2

So Much Depends on a Little Red Plus Sign

Most social networks have a method by which you can show your approval of a post. Whether it is "plussing" on G+, "liking" on Facebook, "favoriting" a post on Twitter, pushing/trusting/liking on Sulia, and pinning and/or heart'ing on Pinterest you have a way of saying "I approve of this." The problem is, there is no way of adding why you approve of a post, and I want to break down why I give things this silent mark of approval:

• I may like your post because I believe the same thing, word for word. This is the damn for me, although it seems it is the one that folks always assume is meant when you plus.
• I may favorite your tweet because I am glad you said a thing, whether I agree or not. I may just believe that your thought needs to be out there in the ether. I believe in fostering intelligent dialog when possible.
• You and I may be friends, so I plus your stuff that makes sense in order to encourage you to express yourself. 
• I may appreciate the opportunity to see a product or idea. Maybe I did not even know it existed until you posted it.
• I may pin something just because it is pretty or suits my aesthetics.
• Maybe you posted something that took skill or bravery to post and I noticed.
• Sometimes I may actively disagree with a post, but appreciate the way something was said. Maybe it was an innovate way of looking at the issue, or had a personal touch that made the post evocative. Maybe it was just damn good writing. This goes back to fostering intelligent dialog when possible.
• Maybe you were just damn funny and I lol'ed.
• Every once in a while, I will fat-finger a post and plus/like/pin something I did not mean to. You know what I mean, you are looking at one thing and press the button you think will favorite your target but instead you ended up "liking" something horrible. Sometimes, it takes someone pointing it out to find out that it even happened. This is the most rare of cases, and I will immediately correct, if possible, when asked about it. Because I am a grown-up and can admit I screwed up.
• Liking/+1'ing are good ways to keep track of a post as it develops. I may just want to see what happens next...

I bet you experience this problem: someone sees that you put your stamp of approval on one thing a person wrote and now you are responsible for everything that person ever wrote, ever. There are a lot of reasons to stamp someone's post, but people will usually assume that you did it for whatever reason makes them the most angry. I ask first before I assume, and it is my opinion that other folks should ask first too. We should not let assumptive, aggressive anger overrule common sense. 

On most services such as G+, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Sulia you can undo your stamp of approval. Usually you can just click the same button again, the label on the button usually changes to reflect this functionality, but not in every case. If you no longer wish to have approved a post, a group, or a person - you can change your approval status to reflect that, to a degree. I rather like Buzzfeed's method of giving the user several adjectives to choose from to voice an opinion on a piece.

Outing Invisible Disablilities

As you well know, Gentle Reader, not every disability is visible to the untrained, naked eye. You know that most of what contributes to my state of disability is invisible unless I use an aid to help myself get around. I get a lot of hairy eyeballs if I use disability parking or other help from folks that think disability is a state for them to judge themselves, based only on what they see in one moment.

Well, someone in Portland calling themselves "Artemis of the wild" has gone further. Reported by the Oregonian via Gawker, this pusillanimous fuckwit has decided that folks receiving disability and have the audacity to vote should be unveiled publicly. For the sake of your sanity, do not read the comments for either article. 

I could count the ways that this is screwed up, but you and I, Gentle Reader, have things to do and lives to live. Keeping that in mind, let us take a brief tour of a few of the worst bits.

• People are not one issue voters.
• You cannot see a whole host of mental and physical disabilities. Just get fucking used to that.
• Voting is a right and a privilege of US citizenship, even if the far right is trying to take it away. Disability, even if you get those meager benefits, does not in any way strip a person of citizenship or any other status besides "temporarily able bodied" (also: TAB).

You do not get to decide who is disabled and who is faking it. If they have run the disability-approval gauntlet (and it is pretty horrible for some) and did the song and dance to get their status validated by the Social Security Administration to receive aid, or even just their doc's office to get a parking pass then they have already proved to anyone that matters that they qualified. You need to back the hell off. They are already handling enough extra difficulty being disabled and all. 

There are only a few people disabled folk are required to give their status to, and it is not you, Jackass of the suburbs.

Dear "Artemis of the wild,"

I am disabled. I vote. I do not cast my votes solely on the basis of favoritism of disability status (if I did, there is almost no such thing).

I still count.

Fuck you.

Sincerely,

PatientC

PatientC smoking a clove cig against a fiery background.

"Solidarity Is For White Women"

This post assumes that you have a least seen some mention of #SolidarityIsForWhiteWomen and skips some 101 ideas. I am not much of an online presence, but I want to do something useful, something purposeful,  contribute something good. I will talk a little about my own opinions, but that is not my focus. What follows are pointers to some really good work you may not have seen: work by folks involved, works by women of color, works that give background. 

If you have found or produced something I should link here, please let me know below. My spoons are limited, and there is a lot of stuff out there about this. If you are here, reading me, then you probably already know that it can be rough for women on the internet.

The key person you should know about in all of this is brownfemipower. This was not her first rodeo, as it were, and her fortitude and class is amazing. Flavia Tamara is another writer I have admired from afar, when she was writing (wrote? Not sure what is up at TB) for Tiger Beatdown. BlackAmazon is on Twitter and so is Jamilah Lemieux, writers I have seen and respected but was not following 'til recently.

Speaking of terrific women, go to this great article from the Guardian, written by Mikki Kendal, that sums up a lot of what was going on around this hashtag. #SolidarityIsForWhiteWomen is her doing, and I congratulate her for it and thank her for the hard work of dealing with the fallout. You can also see her in this interview, where she mentions the erasure of intersectional activists that are disabled, "lower" class/poor, non-Western... you get the idea.

Jamie Nesbitt Gordon wrote about this for Salon. This Week In Blackness talks about it here. Angry Black Lady had already rightfully and righteously gone to town on the sexist. This is another good piece (I have met and like the authoress). Also left out were feminist disability folks, feminist QUILTBAG folks, poor feminists... you get the picture. Gradient Lair has a terrific piece up that highlights the voices of of the people harmed in all of this. 

Student Activism has a whole lot on Schwyzer, but I will just point out one article  It has enough links that also have links to give you a good rundown on the man's career of upsetting folks. AJ's The Stream has a solid piece up.

The HG meltdown is captured on a "Men's Rights" page, but you can Google the pdf if you want to do so. I make it a general policy to not link to MRA sites. No, I have no idea why MRAs would even care, except maybe to celebrate the pain of women, particularly feminists. These guys are the mustache-twirling villains of the equal rights set. 

Feministing attempted to apologize and explain their position here and in a less triggery way here. Both of those links have long comment sections, (and in this rare case on the Internet) I believe you should read the comments. The efforts met with mixed results. There is some doubt as to whether this was motivated by honesty or capitalism. In the places I have linked, you will see opinions vary. I am giving credibility the women that were right about everything in the first place. 

If we are going to take feminism and make sure that it is for everyone, then we are going to have to look at white power in feminism. Yes, I include me in that we. That societal power is given to every white, yes - that is undeniable. HG could not have gotten away with any of this had he not been male, straight, and most of all: white. During his career numerous women of color called out his bad behavior only to be ignored and or discredited and further marginalized. They were right, but they were silenced.

One of the best things I have read about intersectionality in real life: My Feminism Will Be Intersectional or It Will Be Bullshit. 

Note: not every link is an endorsement. Some may contain good information, but be otherwise problematic. Be careful out there.

EDIT: spelling fix at post.

Keeping On

As I am working on some new content, I wanted to let you know, Gentle Reader, what is going on in this crip(pled) life. 

The eCig smoking reduction/cessation thing is going well. I am down to 12 cloves or less a day, from an initial 30-36 at my peak smoking. This weekend we took a road trip, which usually means a huge amount of smoking on my part, and I only smoked about 8 cigs! I am feeling good about it in general, even though some days are really frustrating.

The Minions (my daughters) are back in school. Hurrah! They are old enough that we can see their adulthood rapidly approaching. I feel like we have not done nearly enough to prepare them for life on their own. 

I am unhappy with my weight and am doing what I can to get that back under control. Well, what is under my control. Last year I wasted to an alarming weight and this year I have done the opposite.

Studying Shambhala Buddhism is a deep learning experience. I have found that I give much more room for learning, for forgiveness, kindness, and gentleness to others than I have for myself over the course of my lifetime. I am facing what disability means to me personally and socially as it interacts with meditation and sometimes causes me to not participate as I would wish. Every time I feel myself close to living in the moment, I feel as if I am putting down an impossible burden of my own design. The one retreat we attended leaves me wanting to attend more but unfortunately there is no longer a regular sitting held in my city. 

One Less Invisible Oppression

Take a good look at me:

There, that was not so bad. Pictured is head and shoulders shot of a nearly forty, blond, pale white woman with glasses and a mildly challenging expression right after a free makeover.

The last thing you probably see is oppression. You do not see illness. You do not see disabilities. You cannot see bisexuality. You will never see poverty, if I can help it. Me and mine will only show you polyamory when we choose. You cannot see non-Christian in a "Christian" nation. You think you see a woman, but only because I present a woman to you, but you really have no idea. You never really do with anyone - get used to the idea.

Now that the celebrations are mostly over, we can finally start to really understand what happened with DOMA and Prop.8, what the rulings mean now and to start to understand what they may mean for the future. My favorite part was watching the homophobes start to sound off in front of news cameras and watch the cameras turn away from them to the successful DOMA and Prop.8 teams as they walked down those famous stairs and raise their hands high.

As far as I understand it, the Court "punted" on Prop 8, a term usually used when they make a ruling that appears to be noncommittal  But the verdict that the claimants (random straight homophobes that picked up the case when the state of California washed their hands of it) could not claim injury to pursue the case. I think that verdict is anything but neutral, finally saying that straight people cannot claim injury when gay people get married.

I think this punt matters quite a lot. As much as the much more decisive verdict striking down DOMA. The dominoes are starting to fall, and with gay families on military bases inside of bigoted states, and gay families moving from states that honor their citizenship to states that do not... It is only a matter of time. That time feels like forever when it is your family waiting it out, I am sure.

Now the religious fundamentalists are using families like mine, poly families, as the next spooky threat to marriage. Although they have not given one indication as to why it would be bad for the State. It would definitely be a Biblically supported arrangement if I married both the Menfolk if our genders were reversed, but that was never really the point. 

At least in California, and according to the federal government, there is one less invisible second-class citizenship status. 

Note: I am as much a lawyer as a doctor, which is not at all.

Being a Liberal and a Democrat

I set this aside months ago, but I think it is worth a revisit. Wall Street did not change, and the realities of poverty have not changed,  so here are some thoughts I have on class, politics, and "party unity."

The other day, I had political thoughts. Weird, right? Ah, I am teasing you - politics are everywhere and I think about them all the time. I often say that I am a liberal that has to settle for the Democratic party, but it takes us on the far left pulling our political leaders so that they end up center left, because they will get pulled further and further right otherwise.Here are some thoughts on being a liberal and a Democrat when it comes to economics. This may seem choppy because this is my side of a dialog edited to make more sense here, but your milage may vary.

Ever notice that your issues are important while other peoples' issues are merely politics? Yeah, me neither...

Affirmative Action: For most of us, economic arguments are not Marxian theory - it is trying to make sure you have food on the table at the end of the month. And not only do we not give a damn about the feelings of the people that put us here, we might actually like to see them squirm some. That is right on target as far as I can see here from the bottom of the heap. I know that Bain is not going to actually pay for what it did to people, neither will Wall Street. But dammit, at least they should suffer some discomfort in our name. 

The best Democratic leaders have illustrated to the majority how helping minority populations helps everyone, including them. Example: affirmative action actually allows schools and employers to see candidates that are just as promising but would have been lost in the system due to a minority status that would have otherwise pushed them down. A good leader will talk about that, you know? Same sort of thing with women's rights and how that allows women to contribute in a more fulfilling way which makes them better social assets. All we, as liberals, need are leaders that can tie that together in a realistic way rather than in the metaphorical "rising tide" way. Because there seems to be a distinct lack of motivation to do things because they are right, correct, morally obligatory right now.

Frankly, while advocating for "minorities" looks like a losing strategy in the short term, the white male vote is meaning less and less as the USian populations changes. 

Traditionally Democratic voters are not just not Republicans, we are the future. We have been united by diversity in the past, and we need to revive that spirit.  Civil rights, women's rights, disability rights (to a lesser degree) were adapted and co-voiced by liberals. The definition of conservation is to retard and stop change whenever possible, so they cannot lead on any sort of real change.

Class-based Politics: I believe that political divisions matter and have real consequences that we should not be expected to ignore in favor of political unity. I also think that these divisions, when acknowledged and worked on together, can create strong political unity. It just is not that damn difficult to acknowledge that, say, racial boundaries are contributing to poverty, so to work on poverty we need to work on racial discrimination. And so on with all our social ills.

Bring in the folks that have dealt with it their whole lives or have dedicated themselves to these issues and give them equal places at the table. Make efforts to make sure those voices are heard. Hell, make efforts to make sure they can get to the table and feel safe and honored so truth can be spoken.

Liberals cannot go back to class based politics. Class based politics never left us.

Political Identity: As a poor liberal aligned with the Democratic Party (more because it is the best thing going, and better to be a red headed step child than an orphan) I do not stop being poor because "the Party" decided to stop dealing with it. I do not stop being a woman because the party shies away from gender issues. I do not stop being handicapped just because Democrats have never achieved uniform enforcement of the ADA. These issues never leave the party, no matter how fast the mucky mucks may insist on our votes, taking them and then slapping our hands and worse, our ideas away.

While I appreciate the history and academia - they matter less to me than my lived life and the lives I have witnessed. We, and our issues, did not leave the party - perhaps because there is simply no other politically viable place to go. 

The Base: The post [was] about caring for the feelings of Wall St. elites. You know, elevating the fee-fees of the Brooks Brothers crowd above people struggling with the lived reality of poverty. I added that the politics of poverty have not left the party, even though the party has sometimes not stood up for the poor. I say you illustrated the point because you went into history and academia - valuable but distancing the conversation from the lived reality of poverty (and wrestling with the party about it) or even the rich saying their feelings were bruised. This was a fairly accurate microcosm of the same thing the Party does when confronted with this issue (and others!). 

In the last three or so years the Party has divorced me at the rate of about once a month. I keep voting Democratic because the other guys (still pretty much guys) are worse, so where would I go? In any other setting, this would be the definition of an abusive relationship .

With all the indignities heaped upon me by the people that are supposed to represent me, I will be damned if they, you, or anyone else can turn around and call me their blasted Base. Especially when they rend garments and gnash teeth wailing about how any criticism of President Obama and/or his Administration [was] throwing the election. Do we not understand that our petty lives or morals or issues are so much less important than a facade of party unity? Sigh.

I felt like it was important for you to understand this aspect of lived lives, even if it was just mine. I am out of spoons, though, and I am sadly not sure we are going to get anywhere near that goal even if that were not so. 

Note: saying that PotUS could do things better, could be better, could appeal to our better selves rather than coddling rich cry babies did not cost him the election. But silencing the voices crying out for economic justice were ignored. Way to go.

Microsoft's Rape Joke at E3

Women and girls should not need to play games to play games. But we do. The following post is about sexism in gaming. You do not need to have a press pass to E3 or be into MLG to understand what happened or anything, just know that it is a gaming industry conference and that this industry is particularly hot spot for sexism and gender essentialism (along with dis/ableism, racism, and most social ills that come to the mind of rage quitting troglodytes).

Earlier this week, a cheap ass rape joke was made at a Microsoft press event. 
Feminist Frequency, no stranger to sexism and frequent target of the fetid MRA crowd, was given a reminder of their tantrum tactics when she mentioned Microsoft/Xbox's lack of female protagonists. The next day FF posted some offerings that do appear to offer women out in front. I like to think that she posted it just because it was news and an interesting juxtaposition. However, the bellowing boys of the web demand (you can see it for yourself in some of the offerings in the first FF link) that should any right, proper, human behavior happen anywhere near a sexist foul up, that it be reported on as well or nay, you are only telling an unfair part of a story to forward your misandrist agenda!

Microsoft issues an apology - so those would-be non-apologists attempting to downplay this or act like it was not wrong, can have a goddamn seat.

The trouble is not just the rape joke itself. The trouble is not just that it was issued by a superiorly experienced and equipped male player to a less experienced and equipped female player. The trouble is not just that it was made in a professional environment. The trouble is not just that it was made in a public environment.  The trouble is not that behavior like this but far more terrible is ubiquitous in not just gaming but in a lot of places in US culture - so much so that complaining about this one incident is seen as hair-splitting, nit-picking, and mountain-of-molehill making. The trouble is not just the message this sends to young gamers of all/any genders.

The trouble is all of the above.