Friday, June 7, 2013

If Self Improvement is Masterbation...

I have not written much about me personally lately. I shy away from that sort of thing when I am stressed. So here is what is going on with me and mine for the folks that are interested. All of this is happening with tons of help from the family, particularly the Menfolk. I would still be splashing in a miasma of good intent, stalled efforts, and drama without their support.

A dark cat sleeps on the mousing arm of PatientC.
Umbra does not care if this post gets finished.

So if I get through today the same, this will be my first week at under 12 cloves a day. Or 12 cigarettes or under, but I hope for the former. While the eCigs are a wonder and I am using them frequently, I do think I am cutting down on my overall nicotine intake. I do not know if I will keep moving on nicotine reduction once I have the cigs kicked. Nicotine itself is not a health concern for me right now, and I am not sure that it should be one. 

"Once I have the cigs kicked" - I was not sure I would ever seriously use those words, but I just did. Woot!

My avoidance is not so bad when I stay in contact with people that reciprocate my caring and love for them. So I am using my emergency med less. But I prefer to take it when people stress is building and neither practical methods (STFU, GTFO, etc...) nor internal coping mechanisms are cutting it. If you are familiar with autoimmune illnesses like lupus/SLE, you know that other people's bullshit can literally make us lupies physically ill by stressing us into Flare's Ville. I do not talk about that much because people can be awful, but fuck it: that is the state of things. 


For about a year, with lupus in full effect but we were still unaware that it was there: I was stressing myself into the ER or a hospital room about once a month with a combination of physical and emotional stress. I just cannot let people do that to me anymore - what if the next flare convinces my immune system that my kidneys have become enemies and should be destroyed? I had to kick the part of myself that comes from abuse and neglect and remind her that she and I do not take shit anymore.

I have cut back on my caffeine, especially Red Bull. Now, I still drink a lot of it, there was just plenty of room for improvement. That and more generally weight reduction will not be a focus until the smoking thing is done, before the end of the year I hope

We are starting the Medical Mystery business that is my life back up again. Hopefully we can get some answers on the stuff that is not under the umbrella of lupus/SLE or fibro.

We are going to do more meditation at home and plan on going to more open sittings and the stuff we can afford to do with the local Buddhist group we met this spring.

I am working on writing more and actually putting it out there. I am getting better at actually posting what I write when I write it. I am also making time to write whenever I have the bug instead of letting it wait 'til I get back to my desk.

So, what sort of self improvement are you engaged in now? Is it working? Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it!